Deep Creative Living
Marriage & couples counseling in Cottage Grove, Oregon
Find Your Way Back to Each Other
For partners who feel disconnected. In person in Cottage Grove and online across Oregon.
Does this feel familiar?
- A small comment turns into the same fight you’ve had a hundred times.
- One of you reaches for closeness while the other pulls away, and it keeps going in circles.
- You’re living side by side like roommates: polite, busy, and far apart.
- You walk on eggshells, or you’ve stopped bringing things up because it never helps.
- You still love each other, and you feel lonely in the same house.
If you’re reading this, part of you still hopes things can be different. That hope is something we can build on.
It’s not about the dishes
Most couples believe the problem is the topic: money, parenting, chores, in-laws. But underneath is usually something more tender. Each of us carries needs for closeness, reassurance, and safety, along with protective habits we learned long before we met our partner. When those needs go unmet, we protect ourselves in ways that push the other person away: we criticize, defend, withdraw, shut down.
Then the cycle takes over, and you’re two people who love each other stuck in a pattern that hurts you both. The pattern, not either of you, is the problem, and patterns can change.
How I work with couples
My role isn’t to take sides or decide who’s right. It’s to help the two of you slow down and see what’s really happening between you.
- Understanding the cycle. We’ll map your pattern so you can see it coming and step out of it together.
- Recognizing what’s underneath. Beneath anger and distance are usually softer emotions and attachment needs. We’ll practice saying them in ways your partner can hear.
- Understanding your own “parts.” Each of us has parts that shape how we react: the one that gets defensive, the one that goes quiet. As you get to know and heal them, you bring more empathy and less reactivity.
- Building a more secure bond. As you feel heard, trust grows, and so does the sense that you’re on the same team.
Every couple is different and I can’t guarantee an outcome, but the work is aimed at what most couples long for: feeling heard, fewer blowups and faster repair, more warmth and closeness, and a relationship that can weather hard times together.
What sessions are like
We begin with a free 15-minute call. In our first session, we’ll talk about what brought you in, what each of you wants, and where things feel stuck. Many couples choose 90-minute sessions, since extra time helps. You don’t need to be sure the relationship will survive to come in. You only need to be willing to try.
A note about safety: couples counseling isn’t the right starting place if one partner feels afraid of the other or if there is abuse. In that case, please contact me individually first. If you are in danger, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Sessions are in person in Cottage Grove or online for couples located in Oregon. Insurance is accepted where couples counseling is a covered benefit, so please check your plan. Private-pay sessions are $195 for 60 minutes or $295 for 90 minutes.
Reconnection is possible
The closeness you remember isn’t gone. It’s waiting underneath the pattern.